March 21, 2008

Oh, What a Difference Three Words Can Make
If any of you have read Eats, Shoots and Leaves [see end of post for a recounting] than you know the panda caused pandemonium in a bar all because of a misplaced comma. Well, Monday night I was reminded of that book, not because of an extra comma, but because of an extra three words.

From earlier newsletters you know that Monday night the ARB held an open hearing on warrant articles that have a direct impact on businesses including signs (a big issue for many of you) and parking (another big issue for many of you). The Chamber was represented by Sign*A*Rama of Waltham, the Arlington Farmers Market and me.

If you recall, with the Planning Dept.’s help, the Chamber had introduced a warrant article of its own that would permit businesses to use sandwich boards. When it came time to discuss it, the Chamber was taken by surprise to learn that the previously innocuous words “by special permit” entailed a $400 fee.

When I heard that last night for the first time, I let the ARB know the Chamber could not support that. The Chamber told the ARB that the warrant article that had been submitted was supposed to help businesses. Now it would be a significant burden. Months ago, when the Redevelopment Board deliberated the article and eventually decided not to submit it into the warrant, it considered it only “By special permit.” When the Planning Department provided the Chamber language for it to submit, the special permit requirement should have been deleted. The Planning Department used an older version of the article, and inadvertently, the words remained. It cannot be changed now.

Given this set of circumstances, the Chamber is removing the warrant from consideration and at Town Meeting the ARB will recommend “no action be taken.” The ARB will not make any decisions about sandwich boards this year and the Chamber will reintroduce the warrant next year.

From Lynne Truss’s book: Eat, Shoots & Leaves

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

“Why?” asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”